My dog's stomach was very upset,
So I put him in the car and we went to the vet.
And on our way to the vet,
I killed a cat.
I said isn't that ironic?
I adopted a child from over seas,
to rescue him from child labor factories,
And on his very first birthday we went to Build-A-Bear Workshop.
I said isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C?
A water-park is burnt to the ground,
And a toe-truck has broken down.
I always use to cry when I laughed,
and then I was raped by a clown.
Isn't that ironic?
I was watching Al Gore on CNN,
He was talking, and talking, and talking,
Out of boredom, my pet polar bear shot himself.
I dated an animal rights activist,
and one day she got really pissed,
Because I was eating veal,
That was wrapped in pita (PETA) bread.
Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C?
I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch,
And I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncle's pull-out couch.
If everyday you play the board-game Risk,
You probably never taken a risk in your life.
And Monopoly has far from the stranglehold on the board game market.
A little kid died from suffocation, when he choked a game piece from Operation.
And I can't grow a beard.
That one's not ironic, that one's just sad.
Bob Barker got all of my pets pregnant.
My grandfather had Alzheimer's and one day we were...