Upside Down

Officer, good evening, allow me to explain

The spectacle you see beside this road.

It's been a long, hard day, and I am just a victim

Of circumstances beyond my control.

Now let me just assure you that I'm not a drinkin' man;

I work hard to uphold the law.

Those people in that other car are friends of my ex-wife,

And no matter what they told you they saw...

The car was upside down when I got here;

I left it right side-up some time ago.

Some kids drove by and poured somethin' all down my shirt;

It might have been tequila, I don't know.

I stepped into the woods for a midnight prayer,

I don't know what went down while I was not here,

But that stop sign was on the hood when I bought the car,

And the car was upside down when I got here.

Officer, my reputation speaks for itself,

I'm as innocent and gentle as a child.

That fistfight with my mama, that was three months ago;

I can't believe that's still on my file.

Now a conscientious peacekeeper such as yourself

Must surely recognize an honest guy,

And since most of my money goes to charitable causes,

I can't afford a DWI...