The Portree Kid

A man came ridin' oot the west one wild and stormy day

He was quiet , lean, and hungry - his eyes were smokey

grey

He was lean across the hurdies, but his shooders they

were big

The terror o' the Heilan glens - that was the Portree

Kid

Hee-durum-ho ... Hee-durum-hey ... The Teuchter, that

come, frae Skye

His sidekick was an aura man, and oh, but he was mean

He was called The Midnight Ploughboy, and he come frae

Aberdeen

He had twentyseven notches on his cromack so they say

And he killed a million Indians - way up in Stornoway

Portree booted in the door, he sauntered tae the bar

He poured a shot ay Crabby's, he shouted 'Slainte

Mhath'

While Midnight was bein chatted up, my bar room girl

called Pam

Who said well howdy stranger, would ye buy us a

Babycham

Now over in the corner sat three men frae Auchtertool

They were playing games for money, in a Snakes and

Ladders school

The fourth man was a Southerner, who'd come up from

MacMerry

He'd been a river Gambler, on the Balachulish ferry

Hee-durum-ho ... Hee-durum-hey ... The Teuchter, that

come, frae Skye

Portree walked tae the table, and he shouted shake me

in

He shougled on the egg cup, he gave the dice a spin

He threw seven sixes in a row, and the game was nearly

done

But then he landed on a snake, and finished on square

one

The game was nearly over, and Portree was dain fine

He'd landed on a ladder, he was up tae fortynine

he only had but one tae go, and the other man was beat

But the gambler couped the board ower, and shouted

you're a cheat

Men dived behind the rubber plants, tae try and save

their skin

Tha accordianist stopped playin, his sidekick dropped

the spoons

He said I think it's funny, ye've been up that ladder

twice

An ye aywees turned the table, when i go tae throw me

dice

Hee-durum-ho ... Hee-durum-hey ... The Teuchter, that

come, frae Skye

The gambler drew his sgian dubh, as fast as lightning

speed

The Portree grabbed a screwtop, he cracked him oer the

heed

Then he gave him laldy wi' a salmon aff the wall

And he finished off the business, wi' his lucky Grouse

foot's claw

Portree walked up tae the bar, he says i'll hae a half

And dae ye like the way i stuck it, tae that wee

McMerri nyaff

But the Southerner crept up behind him, his featured

racked wi pain

And he gubbed him wi an ashtray, made oot a curlin

stain

The fight went ragin on all night, till openin time

next day

Break for soup n stovies, off a coronation tray

It was gettin kinda obvious that neither man would win

when came the shout that stopped it aw, 'there's a bus

trip comin' in'

Hee-durum-ho ... Hee-durum-hey ... The Teuchter, that

come, frae Skye

They sing this song in Galashiels and up by Peterheed

Way down oer the border, across the Rio Tweed

About what became of Portree, Midnight and the Gamblin

man

The opened up a gift shop, sellin' fresh air in a can

Hee-durum-ho ... Hee-durum-hey ... The Teuchter, that

come, frae Skye